Student Support Mentor: More Than Someone To Talk To
What does a student support mentor actually do? Explore effective mentoring, trust, boundaries, targeted support and helping young people become independent.
What effective mentoring really looks like
When people think about a student support mentor, they might picture someone who is simply there for a young person to talk to.
Yes, that is certainly one part of it...
But effective student support mentoring is much more than being approachable, listening to problems or being the adult that a young person likes spending time with.
A genuinely skilled mentor is constantly thinking about what sits underneath the presenting issue, what the young person might need to develop, how the relationship can help them move forward and, importantly, how the young person can become increasingly able to manage things for themselves.
Having a strong relationship is the starting point. It is what you do with that relationship that matters moving forward.
What is a student support mentor?
A student support mentor provides targeted support to young people who may be experiencing barriers affecting their wellbeing, relationships, behaviour, engagement, confidence, attendance, education or wider life.
The exact role will vary between schools and settings.
Some young people may need someone they can talk to. Others may need help developing confidence, understanding their behaviour, managing difficult situations, developing strategies or looking at challenges from a different perspective.
Sometimes the reason for referral is very specific.
A young person might be referred because they are at risk of permanent exclusion and the hope is that mentoring will help them make different choices.
That may be the starting point, but it does not necessarily describe everything the mentoring relationship can achieve.
A young person may also benefit from having someone who listens to them, gives them space to explore their thoughts, helps them recognise their strengths and provides a safe opportunity to work through challenges.
Those benefits should not be underestimated.
Being good with young people is not the same as being a good mentor
Someone can be incredibly approachable. They might be funny, relatable, easy to talk to and naturally good at building relationships with young people.
Very important qualities! But they are only part of effective mentoring.
A genuinely skilled mentor is also thinking about what the work is achieving. They listen for what is being communicated beneath the words. They notice potential barriers. They recognise when a young person may be struggling to articulate something themselves. They adapt their communication rather than expecting the young person to fit their preferred style.
Most importantly, they use the relationship to help the young person develop. That might mean helping them recognise a strength they had overlooked, identify an option they could not previously see, practise a strategy they can use in lessons or explore a different way of responding to a difficult situation.
The conversation itself matters but so does what the young person takes away from it.
Effective mentoring is purposeful
There is an important difference between supportive mentoring and targeted mentoring.
Supportive mentoring might involve checking in, giving a young person somewhere to talk or being available when something has gone wrong.
That has significant value for most young people.
However, if every session becomes an informal conversation with no sense of purpose, it is worth asking whether the mentoring is actually providing what the young person needs.
Targeted mentoring starts with an identified need. Perhaps the young person is struggling with their self esteem. Perhaps they feel targeted in lessons and need strategies for managing those situations. Perhaps they are experiencing difficulties with peers. Perhaps anxiety is preventing them from seeing options that might otherwise be available to them.
The mentor does not necessarily need to solve the problem. Instead, the aim might be to help the young person understand what is happening, explore their options and develop something they can try themselves.
That gives the session purpose. A useful question for a mentor to ask themselves is:
What has this young person gained from this conversation that they can take with them?
Look beyond the presenting problem
One of the skills I think is particularly important in mentoring is being able to notice what might be happening beneath the surface.
A young person might tell you they are angry and their words might suggest frustration or disinterest. However, their body language might communicate something different.
You might notice that they appear uncomfortable, guarded or worried about being judged. That does not mean the mentor should psychoanalyse the young person or decide that they know what is really happening.
It means paying attention.
Sometimes young people simply do not have the vocabulary to explain exactly what they are experiencing. They may not even understand the barrier themselves.
The role of the mentor is not to put a label on it for them. In fact, quickly telling a young person that they are anxious, vulnerable or feeling a particular way can sometimes be unhelpful.
Instead, the mentor can explore. Depending on the relationship, that might happen there and then. On another occasion, it might be more appropriate to return to something the young person said during a later session.
The key is judging the level of challenge that is appropriate for that individual young person.
You might say: “Do you remember when you said that last week? I've been thinking about it and I wondered whether there might be something else going on there. What do you think?”
That opens the conversation without telling the young person what they are supposed to be feeling.
The aim is to help them explore it, decide whether they want to work on it and, where appropriate, develop strategies that they can eventually use for themselves.
Talk with young people, not at them
Communication is another area where skilled mentoring makes a real difference. It can be tempting for an adult to think they need to provide the answer.
A young person presents a problem, so the mentor gives advice.
Problem solved.
Except it often is not.
A skilled mentor knows the power of listening, understanding and acknowledging before jumping towards a solution.
They can help a young person identify:
• What strengths do you already have?
• What have you tried before?
• What tools do you already have available?
• What choices do you have?
• What might happen if you tried each option?
• What would make that easier?
This does not mean a mentor should never give advice. There will be times when guidance is appropriate, but constantly telling a young person what they should do can prevent them from developing their own ability to make decisions.
Mentoring should help build that ability.
Trust is built through what happens afterwards
Building a relationship with a young person does not happen simply because you introduce yourself and tell them that you are there to support them.
Trust develops through experience.
You show up consistently. You do what you say you will do. You communicate honestly. You respect appropriate boundaries. You do not unnecessarily share what a young person has told you.
At the same time, a young person needs to understand that mentoring is not a place where absolutely everything can remain secret.
I tend to explain this conversationally rather than making it sound like a rule book. I might explain that, just like other staff in school, there are certain things I would need to pass on if I became concerned about someone's safety. I would give examples so the young person understands what that could mean, while also explaining that not everything they tell me automatically needs to be shared.
I would then check their understanding. The important thing is that the young person knows where they stand.
Confidentiality should always be explained alongside its limits, with the mentor following their school's safeguarding procedures and professional responsibilities.
A mentor should not become the solution
There is a potential problem when a young person develops a strong relationship with their mentor. They may start coming to that person whenever something goes wrong.
Initially, that can look like success. The young person trusts you. They feel safe. They know where they can go.
But there is a difference between having a trusted adult and becoming dependent on that adult. Effective mentoring should gradually help a young person develop strategies they can use independently.
That might mean recognising their own triggers, understanding their reactions, practising different responses, developing confidence or learning how to solve problems without immediately needing someone else to do it for them.
One sign that this may be happening is when the young person begins to attend their agreed mentoring sessions more proactively rather than only appearing when they are in crisis.
The relationship remains supportive, but the young person is becoming more able to use it purposefully.
Six weeks is not a magic number
One of my biggest frustrations with mentoring is the assumption that six weeks is somehow the correct length of intervention for every young person.
It is not.
There are situations where six weeks can be perfectly appropriate. It might be a useful initial period to establish a relationship, see how the young person responds and review what is happening.
But if six weeks is decided before anyone has really understood the young person, it can create unnecessary pressure. A guarded young person may need several sessions simply to become comfortable enough to engage.
You might spend the first couple of sessions building the relationship. Then the young person starts to trust you. They begin talking. They start using the relationship. That could be precisely when the work is becoming more meaningful.
Automatically ending it at that point because the original six weeks have finished does not necessarily make sense.
That does not mean mentoring should continue indefinitely without purpose. It means the length and frequency should be considered according to the young person, the need and what the mentoring is intended to achieve. Some young people might benefit from a relatively short period of focused mentoring.
Others might benefit from less frequent sessions over a much longer period. There is no magic number.
The referral needs to make sense
For mentoring to have the best chance of being effective, the referral needs some thought behind it.
One of the biggest frustrations can be receiving a referral where nobody is really clear about why the young person has been referred.
The referral does not need to predict exactly what the mentoring will achieve. Young people are more complicated than that.
However, there should at least be some understanding of the concern, the hoped for benefit and what the mentor is being asked to explore.
For example, if a young person is referred because they are at risk of permanent exclusion, the aim might include helping them understand their choices and develop different ways of responding to difficult situations.
But the school should also recognise that the relationship itself may provide other benefits. The young person may have an opportunity to talk about things they have not previously been able to express.
They may develop their self esteem. They may begin to recognise their own strengths. They may feel that there is an adult in school who is genuinely on their side.
Those things can become significant parts of the work.
Mentoring should not be squeezed into whatever time is left
There is also a danger of treating mentoring as something that simply needs to fit into the timetable.
Imagine a young person who has barely slept because of difficulties at home. They may be dealing with significant stress, arrive at school exhausted and already feel overwhelmed.
They are then expected to move through a full timetable and somehow engage with a ten minute mentoring slot squeezed into the day.
What can realistically be achieved in ten minutes?
Education matters enormously but so does recognising whether a young person is actually in a position to engage with learning at that moment.
Good mentoring requires the wider context to be considered. That does not mean removing young people from lessons unnecessarily. It means understanding why mentoring is needed, what it is trying to achieve and whether the time being provided is sufficient for meaningful work.
How do you know whether mentoring is working?
The first person I would ask is the young person.
What do they think is helping? What do they think is different? What do they value about the mentoring relationship?
Their answer might not be what the adults around them expected.
A powerful professional relationship can feel to a young person like having someone who is genuinely on their side. For some young people, that can be incredibly empowering and motivating.
Alongside their views, I would look for positive changes and patterns. Has their behaviour changed in certain situations? Are they responding slightly differently to something that previously caused difficulties?
Are they trying new strategies? Are they becoming more able to explain what is happening for them? Are they recovering more quickly when something goes wrong?
Progress does not have to mean perfection.
A young person trying a new strategy and not getting it right the first time can still represent progress.
The question is whether they are beginning to develop the tools and understanding to respond differently.
When might mentoring not be the right intervention?
Mentoring has an important role, but it is not the answer to everything.
A good mentor needs to understand the limits of their role and recognise when a young person may need specialist support.
There may be situations involving significant mental health concerns, complex trauma, eating disorders or other needs where mentoring alone is not the appropriate intervention.
That does not mean the mentor has failed. Recognising when something sits outside your role is part of being a skilled professional. It may mean seeking advice, following safeguarding procedures, involving the appropriate people or signposting towards specialist support.
Knowing your limits is a strength.
Why student support mentors need supervision
Mentoring can involve complex situations.
A mentor may hear things that challenge them, trigger an emotional response or leave them questioning whether they have handled something in the right way.
That is one reason why supervision is incredibly important.
Supervision creates space to step back and look at the young person's journey from another perspective.
It can be particularly useful when the mentor has their own professional relationships with the people involved.
For example, a young person might talk about a member of staff they find difficult. The mentor may have a completely different relationship with that member of staff.
Supervision can help the mentor explore the young person's perspective rather than automatically adopting the adult's perspective.
Good supervision can also support wellbeing, identify where a mentor might need further development, recognise skills they are already using effectively and provide reassurance about the impact of their work.
Supervision is not simply about finding out what someone has done wrong. It is about helping the mentor reflect, develop and feel secure in their practice.
What skills does a good student support mentor need?
There is no single personality type that makes someone a good mentor.
However, there are skills and professional habits that matter.
A good student support mentor should be able to:
• Listen without immediately jumping to a solution
• Understand and acknowledge what a young person is communicating
• Build relationships while maintaining appropriate professional boundaries
• Adapt their communication style
• Pay attention to their own body language
• Notice potential barriers beneath the presenting issue
• Ask for clarification rather than pretending to understand
• Help young people recognise their own strengths and resources
• Help them explore options rather than always telling them what to do
• Challenge thought processes and decisions appropriately
• Recognise when they do not know something
• Be comfortable saying they need to check something
• Understand their safeguarding responsibilities
• Know when additional or specialist support may be required
• Reflect on their own practice
• Use supervision effectively
And... perhaps most importantly, they need to remain curious.
A young person might present you with the same behaviour you have seen before, but the reason behind it may be completely different.
Let the young person make the first move
If there is one thing I would encourage a new mentor to remember, it is this:
Allow the young person to make the first move.
You may have a plan and you likely would have made some notes from the previous mentoring session. You may think you know what needs to be discussed...
But last week's challenge may be completely different from the one the young person brings into the room today.
That does not mean abandoning purposeful mentoring but it does mean starting with the young person.
What is happening today? What matters to them? What do they want from the session? What do they think would be useful?
Sometimes the most effective thing a mentor can do is create enough space for the young person to show you where the work needs to go.
From there, you can use your professional skills to help them explore it.
Maintaining boundaries as a student support mentor
Being a student support mentor is not simply about being the person a young person can talk to. The relationship is important, sometimes incredibly important, but effective mentoring goes further.
It means listening carefully, noticing what might sit underneath the presenting issue, knowing when to challenge and when to simply give someone space.
It means helping young people recognise their own strengths, develop strategies and understand their options. It means maintaining boundaries without becoming distant. It means recognising when mentoring is appropriate and when another form of support is needed.
It also means remembering that the ultimate goal is not for the young person to need you forever.
The goal is to help them become more able to work through and overcome their own challenges. For anyone stepping into a student support mentoring role, you do not need to have every answer.
You need to be willing to listen, remain curious, reflect on your practice and keep the young person's needs at the centre of the work.
Sometimes, the most important thing you can do at the beginning of a session is simply to ask: “What's going on for you today?”
And then genuinely listen to the answer...
Would you like some training or supervision?
Whether you are already working with young people or looking to develop your skills in mentoring, I offer Strategic Mentoring Training to help you feel more confident and supported in your role.
I also offer one to one supervision and group supervision for professionals working with young people, providing space to reflect on your practice, explore challenges, consider different perspectives and develop your skills.
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