Disengaged From What?
Are we too quick to label young people as disengaged? Explore what disengagement really means and how professionals can create better opportunities for engagement.
Before We Call a Young Person “Disengaged”, Let’s Ask: Disengaged From What?
“Disengaged.”
It is a word we hear quite often when talking about young people and education. But I have started to wonder whether it's used too quickly...
Not because young people cannot genuinely disengage because quite obviously they can, but I think we need to be much more careful about what we mean when we use the word.
Recently, a conversation with a young person I had previously supported got me thinking about this again. I had worked with him for a period of time in an alternative education setting. He had since left the setting, as had always been planned, and the intention was for him to return to his previous school.
He had consistently expressed that he did not want to return. That could quite easily be described as disengagement.
But when I contacted him after the summer break, he was genuinely pleased to hear from me. There was no awkwardness, no rushing to get off the phone and no sense that he didn't want to engage with support.
In fact, when I suggested meeting up to talk about how things were going, he was immediately positive.
“Yep, great. What’s the plan?”
There was a willingness to continue the relationship. A willingness to talk and work together.
I found myself thinking: If this young person is "disengaged", what exactly is he disengaged from?
What are we actually saying when we call a young person disengaged?
The problem I have with the word “disengaged” is that, on its own, it doesn't tell us very much.
Disengaged from what?
School? A particular school? Learning? A particular lesson? A particular professional? An intervention? A proposed solution? Support? Communication?
Or simply something that has been suggested to them?
These are all very different things.
Research has recognised for some time that disengagement from education can take different forms and have different meanings for different young people, with different consequences and potential solutions.
So perhaps “disengaged” shouldn't be the end of the sentence. Perhaps it should be the beginning of a question. Disengaged from what, exactly?
When we use the word without context, I worry that it can start to sound like a description of the whole young person.
A label can become a conclusion
When we describe a young person as disengaged, we may not intend to write them off but sometimes that can become the effect.
The word can create an impression that the young person is no longer available to us, doesn't want support, isn't interested and won't engage.
Once we've settled on that explanation, we may unconsciously stop looking for different ways in.
We may stop exploring different options and stop asking what the young person is actually experiencing.
We may start putting the responsibility for engagement almost entirely onto them. This is where I think we need to be careful.
Professionals have a role in engagement too. If something isn't working, we need to be prepared to ask ourselves:
What have I actually tried?
What worked, even slightly?
What didn't?
What did the young person tell me?
What might I need to change?
“I've tried everything.”
I've heard versions of this many times - from professionals!
“I've tried everything. This young person just won't engage.”
I think we need to slow that statement down.
What does “everything” actually mean?
Have we genuinely approached the issue from different angles?
Have we tried different ways of communicating?
Have we made the purpose of the support clear?
Have we made it relevant to the young person?
Have we allowed them time to process?
Have we listened properly to what they think is happening?
Have we considered their previous experiences?
Have we thought about what may be sitting underneath the presenting behaviour?
Or have we simply changed the professional delivering essentially the same message? A young person can sometimes experience a new professional coming along as: New person. Same questions. Same language. Same expectations. Same solution.
Why would they automatically assume this time will be different?
Sometimes the approach needs to change before the young person does
When I work with a young person, I don't want to force the solution immediately. I want to understand what is happening first.
I want them to tell me, in their own words, what is going on.
I listen. I let them finish. I give them time to process what they are trying to say.
Where appropriate, I will use their own words and phrases when reflecting things back to them.
Sounds simple? Yet, I often have young people tell me that one of the things they value most is that I let them finish speaking.
If someone is already struggling, putting additional pressure on them to immediately explain themselves, make decisions or agree to a solution isn't necessarily going to create engagement.
Sometimes we need to take the pressure away, slow things down and make the choices clearer.
We need to let the young person have some control over what happens next.
Speak clearly. Say what you mean.
Another part of engagement is communication.
It sounds obvious, but there is little point trying to engage a young person while using language they don't properly understand.
Professional language can sometimes become unnecessarily complicated. We don't need fancy words to demonstrate expertise. We need to communicate clearly.
Say what you mean. Explain what the support is for. Explain what you can offer. Explain what the intended outcomes are.
Make sure the young person understands what is in it for them.
If a young person doesn't understand what we're asking them to do, or why we're asking them to do it, is it fair to describe their response as disengagement?
Engagement doesn't always look like talking
I think we can also get too hung up on what engagement is supposed to look like.
A young person might attend a one-to-one session and give very minimal answers. They might not contribute much, sit quietly and possibly even seem distracted.
It can be tempting to look at that and conclude that they aren't engaging.
But they showed up... They made themselves available for the opportunity. That is a form of engagement.
They might be listening. They might be processing. They might be reflecting on something you've said.
They might go away and think about it privately. They might come back the following week.
They might ask one question. They might tell you something they have never told another professional.
Not all engagement is obvious and not all engagement is verbal.
Sometimes we need to stop measuring engagement purely by whether a young person does exactly what we have asked them to do.
Agreement isn't the same as engagement
Equally, we shouldn't assume that a “yes” automatically means genuine engagement.
A young person might agree to try something once.
Sometimes, they might agree because they feel pressured or because they don't know how to say no.
They might simply agree because they want the conversation to end.
However, they might genuinely agree because they are ready to give something a try.
We need to understand the difference.
The same applies to “no”. A young person saying no to something does not automatically mean they have disengaged from everything. They might simply be saying no to that particular thing.
What happens when the original goal is too big?
Sometimes we need to change the goal without abandoning the overall outcome.
Change the next step.
If the destination feels too far away, perhaps there needs to be something between where the young person is now and where we ultimately want them to be.
That might mean changing the immediate goal.
It might mean focusing on building trust, having a conversation, understanding the anxiety, exploring another option...
It might mean simply getting the young person to agree to one more conversation. It is progress from where they currently are.
I would much rather achieve a small, meaningful step with a young person than create a situation where the pressure to reach the “right” outcome means they disengage from the whole process altogether.
Sometimes the relationship is the intervention
This is something I have become increasingly aware of through my work with young people.
A professional relationship shouldn't necessarily exist only to solve one particular problem.
Young people experience new challenges all the time. Sometimes there is a period where the immediate solution isn't available yet. There can be uncertainty.
There can be decisions being made by other people.
There can be a period of limbo. During that time, the relationship still matters.
The consistency matters, just as much as showing up does. Doing what you said you would do matters.
Continuing to check in matters. Following up matters. Advocating for the young person matters.
And... sometimes it matters simply because the young person knows that someone hasn't disappeared just because the first solution hasn't worked.
That continued relationship builds and strengthens trust. Then, when another opportunity comes along, you aren't starting again from zero.
You have something to build from.
We also need to “catch” young people doing things well
I deliberately use the word “catch” here.
Catch them doing something positive.
Not false praise - they see through that, by the way. Not “well done” for the sake of it.
Genuine recognition.
If something is going well, acknowledge it. If a young person has made a positive choice, notice it. If they have handled something differently, tell them. If they've turned up when turning up was difficult, recognise that.
These things can help a young person see that the relationship isn't simply about adults pointing out what isn't working. It becomes a relationship where progress is noticed too.
What if the young person genuinely is disengaged?
This is important...
I'm not suggesting that every young person described as disengaged is actually engaged underneath the surface.
Sometimes young people genuinely do disengage. But I think we need to understand what is driving that disengagement.
What is happening underneath the presenting behaviour? What does the young person think? What has happened historically? What has already been tried? What experiences have shaped their current view?
Are there unmet needs? Is there anxiety? Is there a lack of trust?
Are we asking them to engage with something that doesn't feel relevant or "right" to them?
Are we offering them something different from what they have already experienced?
If we don't ask those questions, we risk simply becoming the latest person delivering the same approach that hasn't worked before.
Parents should be part of the conversation too
This isn't just something professionals need to think about. Parents can have an important role too.
If someone tells you that your child is “disengaged”, it is reasonable to ask: “Disengaged from what?”
What exactly are they struggling to engage with? What are we trying to engage them with? What are the intended outcomes of the support? What has already been tried? What seemed to work, even slightly?
What does the professional need to understand about my child that might help them approach this differently?
Parents often have knowledge, experience and insight that can help professionals understand what is happening beyond the immediate presentation.
They can be an important part of the wider support around a young person. They can also be part of deciding whether the support being offered is actually the right support for their child.
Perhaps we need to change the question
I think this is ultimately what my recent experiences made me reflect on.
Instead of asking:
“How do we get this young person to engage?”
perhaps we should sometimes ask:
“What can this young person engage with right now?”
That is a different question entirely. It changes our perspective and It changes our expectations. It encourages us to think creatively and it puts the young person back into the conversation.
It reminds us that engagement isn't always a young person sitting down, agreeing with us and doing exactly what we've suggested.
Sometimes engagement is much more discreet. Sometimes it is simply showing up. Sometimes it is listening, thinking, coming back...
Sometimes it is saying no to one thing while being completely open to another.
Sometimes it is a young person picking up the phone and saying:
“Yep, great. What’s the plan?”
That is engagement too.
So before we label a young person as disengaged, perhaps we should hit pause.
Ask what are they actually disengaged from?
Ask what we have genuinely tried.
Ask whether we have adapted our approach.
Ask whether the goal is currently realistic.
Ask what small step the young person might be willing to take next.
Sometimes the barrier to engagement isn't simply sitting with the young person. Sometimes we need to change the way we're approaching the door before we decide that the young person won't walk through it.
It shouldn't end with disengagement
I don't think our job is to force young people to engage. I think our job is to create the conditions where engagement becomes possible.
That means listening, being consistent and being clear. It also means giving young people time and appropriate choices.
It means adapting our approach, recognising progress and staying curious.
"Disengaged” is not the end of the conversation.
It should be the point where we start asking better questions.
If you're supporting a young person who appears to be struggling to engage with education, support or a particular intervention, sometimes a different perspective can make all the difference.
I regularly run my Strategic Mentoring Training session online, which is perfect for mentors, coaches and other professionals working with young people who are serious about having a positive impact and empowering young people effectively. Find out when the next session is running and secure your space today.
If you know a young person who would benefit from my support, get in touch to find out more about the coaching for young people that I offer.
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