When Words Aren't Available Yet
- 4 days ago
- 3 min read
Not every young person can describe how they feel. Discover creative ways to support communication, emotional regulation and trust.
One question I hear adults ask all the time is:
"How are you feeling?"
It's a good question.
The problem is that sometimes the young person simply doesn't know the answer.
Over the years, I have learned that emotional communication is not always about finding the right words. Sometimes the challenge is that a young person is still trying to understand what they are feeling themselves.
If they cannot make sense of their emotions, expecting them to explain them clearly can sometimes create even more frustration.
Sometimes Words Aren't Ready Yet
One young person I supported regularly arrived feeling emotionally overwhelmed. Whenever I asked how they were feeling, they struggled to answer.
Not because they didn't want to. But because they genuinely couldn't.
They were still processing their emotions. They lacked the language to accurately describe what was happening inside. That made me realise something important.
Sometimes we ask young people to explain feelings they haven't yet had time to understand.
Being Creative With Communication
Rather than asking the same questions repeatedly, I decided to try something different.
In my office I already used a colour-based emotional scaling tool, so I handed the young person the remote control for an LED light and asked them to simply choose the colour that best represented how they were feeling.
They did.
Immediately.
Without hesitation.
Blue.
That simple action opened the door to a conversation that had previously felt difficult to begin.
Rather than struggling to explain their emotions, they had found another way to communicate them.
Communication Is Bigger Than Words
One of the biggest lessons this experience taught me is that communication is about far more than talking.
When we think about communication, we often think about words, body language or tone of voice.
In reality, there are countless ways people communicate.
Colours.
Music.
Drawing.
Movement.
Activities.
Silence.
Every young person is different.
Our role is not to expect every young person to communicate in the same way. Our role is to help them find the method that feels safest and most natural for them.
Creating Space Instead Of Pressure
After introducing the colour system, something unexpected happened. It became part of the young person's routine.
Instead of walking into my office feeling pressure to answer difficult questions, they simply changed the light to the colour that matched how they felt.
That small action removed the awkwardness. It sparked conversations naturally. It helped them regulate their emotions.
Most importantly, it gave them space to think before they spoke.
One thing I have learned is this:
Not every young person needs another question.
Sometimes they simply need a space to think and process.
Flexibility Builds Trust
As professionals and parents, it can be easy to assume that communication should happen in a particular way.
We ask questions. We expect answers. When those answers don't come, we may mistakenly think a young person is refusing to engage.
In my experience, this often isn't the case. Sometimes they are simply communicating differently.
The more flexible we become in our approach, the more opportunities we create for
genuine communication and stronger relationships.
Something To Think About
One of the most valuable lessons I have learned throughout my career is that there is no single right way to communicate.
If one approach isn't working, it doesn't always mean the young person is unwilling to engage.
It may simply mean they need a different way to express themselves.
When we stop expecting every conversation to begin with words and instead become curious, creative and adaptable, we create environments where young people feel safer, understood and more able to communicate in ways that work for them.
Sometimes the smallest change in our approach can make the biggest difference.
If you're supporting a young person who struggles to communicate their emotions, my coaching, mentoring and parent consultation services provide practical, relationship-based strategies that help young people feel understood and supported.
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