When “Harmless” Online Content Isn’t So Harmless
A simple, practical approach to children’s online safety. Why talking, boundaries, curiosity and early conversations matter more than relying on restrictions alone.
Why we need to normalise online safety
I spent some time with my nephew recently and something happened that made me stop and think.
It wasn't because he had stumbled across something horrific. Nor was it because I had discovered anything obviously dangerous. It was surprisingly quite the opposite.
He had found something that was, quite frankly, pretty stupid. That was part of what bothered me.
Within only a few minutes of being on a device, he had come across a video using a familiar children's character. The video instructed him to type a particular word into Google Translate repeatedly.
On the face of it, it sounds completely harmless. He was curious. He followed the instruction. There wasn't anything particularly sinister about what he was doing.
As I listened to the same word being played repeatedly, I found myself thinking: Why is a child being encouraged to do this?
I couldn't see any obvious purpose behind it. I couldn't understand what the supposed enjoyment was. More importantly, I started wondering what else he might encounter if he simply carried on following whatever the next video told him to do.
That was when my safeguarding instincts kicked in.
This wasn't about dangerous content
I want to be clear about something. I'm not suggesting that this particular video was harmful. I didn't discover some hidden sinister purpose behind it. I didn't find anything that meant my nephew was suddenly at serious risk.
But I did think it was strange. I think strange is enough to make us stop and look a little closer.
I asked him why he was doing it. I took the phone so I could see what he was actually watching, and he talked me through what had happened. Suddenly, the context made sense.
He had simply been following an instruction from a video. Fair enough. He wasn't making a poor decision because he had deliberately ignored a safety rule. From his perspective, the instruction seemed harmless.
His level of risk assessment is different from mine.
I've spent years working with young people and seeing what can happen when things go wrong. That inevitably affects the threshold at which I become curious or concerned.
So I intervened - but not with panic or an overreaction, and certainly not by telling him he was never going on a device again.
I talked to him about what he had been watching, why he had followed the instruction and whether there was actually any reason for him to be doing it. Then I redirected his attention towards something else.
We got the Playstation out and played Sonic the Hedgehog together. We talked and we laughed.
He became much more engaged with me and much more responsive to what was happening around him. That, for me, was the bit that really stayed with me.
What if “harmless” becomes normal?
Children have always watched silly things.
They have always made stupid noises, laughed at things adults don't understand and become temporarily obsessed with something that seems completely pointless.
So I'm not suggesting that every piece of silly content is a safeguarding concern. But I do think we need to ask a slightly different question.
What happens when this becomes normal?
The content my nephew had found wasn't particularly creative. Not in any way was it educational. It encouraged no meaningful interaction.
It was essentially an endless loop of something pointless.
If a child can quickly become absorbed in that sort of content, there is a risk that we start to view it as simply normal children's screen time.
That's where I think adults need to be careful.
Because sometimes the concern isn't: “My child has seen something dangerous.”
Sometimes it's: “What exactly is my child spending their time doing, and what is this content actually adding to their life?”
There is a difference.
The content doesn't always look concerning
This is one of the things that struck me most.
Familiar children's characters such as Sonic or Mario can make content immediately appealing to children.
A young person searches for something they recognise and enjoy. But the fact that a familiar character appears in the video doesn't automatically mean the content is appropriate, useful or even particularly worthwhile.
The character becomes part of the packaging. The character is used to make content feel more trustworthy or familiar than it actually is.
Again, I'm not saying that every video featuring a children's character is problematic. Far from it.
The point is that the appearance of something being child-friendly isn't necessarily the same as it being valuable or appropriate.
So much online content is presented in a colourful, entertaining and familiar way, and therefore adults can become accustomed to hearing strange things in the background and thinking: “They're just watching kids' videos.”
That is where I think we can become desensitised.
We can become desensitised too
This is perhaps the part I hadn't expected to think about.
When we talk about online safety, we naturally focus on the content.
Is it violent? Is it sexual? Is it abusive? Is it encouraging dangerous behaviour?
Those questions are always important.
Then there is this other layer. What happens to the adult supervising the child when the content they hear is repeatedly silly, bizarre or mildly negative but never obviously dangerous?
You hear something strange. You think it's a bit stupid. The child seems entertained. You carry on with what you were doing.
Then the next thing comes along. And the next. And it goes on and on...
Eventually, perhaps, it all becomes just a part of the day-t0-day background noise.
That is why I think curiosity is so important.
Not because parents should sit over their children's shoulder and investigate every single thing they watch. That isn't a realistic approach.
But because something doesn't have to be dangerous before we are allowed to question it.
You can't watch everything your child does online
There is another side to this conversation that I think is equally important. We cannot realistically watch everything a child does online. We can't sit beside them every minute of every day.
Nor should the goal be to create a situation where a young person can only use technology when an adult is physically present.
At some point, children need to develop their own judgement. They need opportunities to practise making decisions. They need to learn how to recognise when something doesn't feel right. They need to know what to do when they encounter something confusing, upsetting or inappropriate.
In other words, we need to build resilience alongside safety.
That doesn't mean removing boundaries. It means recognising that boundaries are only part of the picture.
So what can parents and carers actually do?
I think the answer is much simpler than we sometimes make it.
1. Be curious about what they're doing
Ask the question.
What are you watching?
What are you playing?
What's that?
Why are you doing that?
Where did you find it?
What do you think about it?
Sometimes you might need to ask several questions before you understand what is actually happening. That's okay.
Curiosity doesn't have to sound like an interrogation.
It can simply be the same interest you would show if your child came home from school and told you about something that had happened during their day.
If you notice a sudden change in their behaviour, don't ignore that either.
If you're sitting in a room with five people having a conversation and one person suddenly becomes completely disengaged from everyone else, you'd probably ask:
“Are you okay?”
Why should our response automatically be different because a screen is involved? A sudden change in attention doesn't automatically mean something harmful is happening.
But it is something worth noticing.
2. Set boundaries and agree expectations
Children need boundaries online just as they do offline. That doesn't necessarily mean creating a list of 100 rules.
It means having a conversation about expectations.
What is the device being used for? What is okay? What isn't okay?
What should they do if they see something they don't understand? What should they do if something makes them uncomfortable?
What should they do if they make a mistake?
A simple family agreement can be much more useful when a child understands the reason behind it.
The value of tools that can filter content, manage access and support families with online boundaries absolutely has a helpful role to play. These controls should definitely be put into place.
But I don't think they should replace the relationship.
3. Normalise conversations about the internet
This is probably the biggest thing I took from my experience with my nephew.
Don't wait for something to go wrong.
Talk about what children are doing online as part of normal everyday conversation.
What did you watch today? Did you see anything funny? Did anything confuse you? What's everyone talking about at the moment? Can you show me how that works? Have you ever seen something online that you weren't sure about?
The more normal those conversations become, the less dramatic they feel.
Starting these conversations early, keeping them regular and making them part of everyday life rather than treating online safety as one big conversation is healthy. It's safeguarding
This matters because we want children to know: “If something happens online, I can talk to my adult.”
Not: “If I tell my adult, I'm going to lose my phone.”
Those are very different messages.
Don't make the internet something children have to hide from you
One of the biggest mistakes we can make is creating an environment where a young person becomes frightened to tell us what they have seen.
Imagine a child comes across something upsetting.
They know it wasn't appropriate. They want to tell you. But they also think: “If I tell Mum, she'll take my phone away.”
So they say nothing. The problem then isn't simply what they saw. It's that we've potentially removed one of their safest routes to support.
If a young person comes to you with something concerning, there may absolutely be times when you need to restrict access or take action. But that response should ideally include an explanation.
Why are we doing this? What happened? What can we learn from it? What can we do differently next time?
The aim shouldn't simply be punishment. It should be education.
Adults need to model this too
There's another part of online safety that we sometimes overlook.
Children watch us.
If we're constantly looking at our phones while somebody is speaking to us, failing to hear what someone has said because we're distracted, or automatically reaching for a screen whenever there is a quiet moment, we're modelling something too.
I'm not suggesting adults need to justify every time they pick up a phone.
I use mine for work. I check the weather. I check the news. I send photos and voice notes.
I also use my phone to practise Dutch, which I've taught myself, and my nephew finds it fascinating to get involved and have a go at pronouncing the words.
Those are positive uses of technology.
The message isn't: “Phones are bad.”
The message is: “Technology is a tool. What we do with it matters.”
When we're with children, though, it is worth thinking about what our behaviour communicates.
If we're sitting scrolling endlessly while they're trying to engage with us, what are they learning about attention and connection?
The goal isn't to eliminate risk
This is where I think online safety can sometimes become unnecessarily overwhelming for parents and carers.
There are parental controls. You have privacy settings, age restrictions, filtering tools, platform settings...
Then there is the fact that technology is continiously changing andf evolving.
New risks. New apps. New trends...
It can feel like an impossible amount to keep up with.
Yes, platforms and technology companies have responsibilities too. Parents shouldn't be expected to carry the entire burden of keeping children safe online.
Current UK guidance also recognises that parents have an important role while broader responsibility sits with platforms, regulators and government too.
But that doesn't mean parents are powerless. In fact, some of the most important things we can do are remarkably straightforward.
Talk to your child.
Set boundaries.
Be curious.
Notice changes.
Use the safeguards available to you.
Help your child understand risk.
Give them somewhere safe to come when something goes wrong.
And start doing those things before there is a crisis.
Create the culture before the crisis
That's ultimately what my experience with my nephew reminded me of.
I don't think the answer is to become terrified of everything children encounter online. I don't think the answer is to watch every second of everything they do either.
I also do not think the answer is to rely entirely on technology to protect children from technology.
The better approach, in my view, is to create a culture where online safety becomes normal.
A culture where children know they can ask questions.
Where adults are interested in what they're doing. Where boundaries are clear. Where curiosity is encouraged. Where mistakes become opportunities to learn. Where children gradually develop their own ability to risk-assess.
Where adults aren't afraid to step in when something doesn't feel right.
My experience with my nephew didn't leave me thinking: “The internet is more dangerous than ever. What are we going to do?”
It actually left me thinking something much simpler. We need to start sooner.
The strategies don't have to be complicated. They just need to be consistent.
Talk about it. Ask questions. Set boundaries. Be curious. Keep the conversation going. Use the tools available to you.
Make online safety such a normal part of family life that it doesn't suddenly become a huge issue when something goes wrong.
Create the culture before the crisis.
That might be one of the most effective online-safety strategies we have.
If you're worried about how your child is managing the online world, or you're simply not sure where to start, you don't have to figure it all out alone. I offer practical support for parents and carers in my regular Online Safety For Parents onling group coaching session.
I also offer 1:1 Consulations For Parents and one-to-one coaching for young people.
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