Coaching For Men: Recognising Your Potential
Discover how coaching for men can help you build confidence, recognise your strengths, overcome challenges and make meaningful changes in your life.
You might be capable of more than you give yourself credit for
Have you ever found yourself looking at where you are in life and thinking you should be further ahead by now?
Perhaps you have ambitions you haven't quite managed to pursue. Maybe you keep telling yourself that you'll make changes when work becomes less demanding, when you have more time or when everything else in your life settles down.
You might look at other men and wonder how they seem to have achieved so much, while questioning whether you're making enough progress yourself.
Or perhaps you have goals you genuinely want to achieve, but despite knowing what needs to happen, you struggle to turn those intentions into consistent action.
These experiences can be frustrating, particularly when you recognise that you're capable of more.
Through my work as a Resilience and Mindset Life Coach, I've become particularly interested in how people view their own capabilities, the expectations they place on themselves and the way they approach personal change.
One thing I encourage clients to consider is whether they're overlooking qualities they've already demonstrated in their lives.
You might be looking for more confidence, discipline or determination, without recognising that you've already demonstrated those qualities in other circumstances.
Coaching for men can provide an opportunity to explore these things, challenge unhelpful thinking and develop a more purposeful approach to achieving what matters to you.
1. Are you expecting too much of yourself?
Many men have several competing demands on their time.
Work, family commitments, relationships, fitness, friendships and other responsibilities can make it difficult to dedicate time to personal goals.
You might want to improve your fitness, develop your career, start a business, learn something new or make changes to your lifestyle. However, finding the time and energy to pursue those ambitions alongside everything else can be challenging.
Sometimes, the expectations we place on ourselves make this even harder.
We might decide that something needs to happen within six months, even though we haven't properly considered the time, resources and commitment required to achieve it. When progress doesn't happen as quickly as expected, frustration can follow.
You might begin questioning your discipline, motivation or ability to follow through. However, have you considered whether your expectations were realistic in the first place?
For example, if you want to develop a business alongside full time employment and family responsibilities, perhaps you need a longer timeframe. Taking nine months rather than six doesn't necessarily mean you've lowered your ambitions. It might mean you've developed a more realistic route towards achieving them.
I encourage clients to consider:
What am I actually trying to achieve?
Why is this important to me?
What time and resources can I realistically commit?
What smaller steps can I take?
Am I putting unnecessary pressure on myself to achieve this quickly?
You don't have to abandon your ambitions because life is busy. Equally, you don't have to make life unnecessarily difficult by expecting yourself to achieve everything at once.
2. Stop comparing your progress with somebody else's
Comparison can have a considerable influence on how we view ourselves.
You might see another man who appears successful, financially comfortable, confident or established in his career. Perhaps he's bought a house, started a business, achieved something professionally or reached a particular milestone in his personal life.
It's easy to look at that outcome and wonder why you haven't achieved the same. However, what you see is often the result of a journey you haven't witnessed.
You don't necessarily know how long that person worked towards their goal, what sacrifices they made, what difficulties they encountered or how many times they had to reconsider their approach.
You see where they are now, but you don't see everything that happened along the way.
This can create an unfair comparison because you're measuring your own circumstances against an outcome without understanding what contributed to it.
I also think we sometimes underestimate how much work other people have put into achieving what they have.
Something that appears to have happened overnight might actually represent years of determination, difficult decisions and consistent effort.
Rather than concentrating on where somebody else has reached, consider what you can do with the circumstances and opportunities available to you.
Your progress doesn't become less valuable because somebody else has achieved something different.
You have your own responsibilities, experiences, challenges and ambitions. Your journey will look different, and that's perfectly reasonable.
A more useful question might be: What can I do today that will move me closer to where I want to be?
3. Are you overlooking your own achievements?
I think this is something that deserves considerably more attention.
When we talk about success, we often think about recognisable milestones.
Buying a house, getting married, starting a family, progressing in your career or purchasing something you've worked hard to afford.
These are all achievements worth celebrating. However, what about the smaller changes that happen along the way?
Consider these examples:
You have a difficult day at work but manage your frustration without taking it out on your family.
You find yourself in a stressful situation but respond differently from how you would have done a few years ago.
You recognise that you've made a mistake and take responsibility rather than making excuses.
You maintain a commitment even when your motivation disappears.
You do something that previously would have made you uncomfortable.
You recognise an unhealthy pattern and make a conscious decision to change your response.
These might not appear particularly significant to somebody else, but they can represent meaningful personal development.
I've noticed that clients can sometimes underplay their achievements because they're already thinking about the next thing they want to accomplish.
There's always another goal, another milestone or another area to improve.
But if you're constantly concentrating on what's missing, when do you actually give yourself credit for what you've achieved?
I encourage clients to recognise that personal development is a continuous journey. Along the way, there are checkpoints worth acknowledging.
You don't need to have reached your ultimate goal to recognise that you've made progress.
In fact, I would rather see somebody doing something little and often, consistently moving towards their ambitions, than somebody spending all their time thinking about what they want to achieve without taking any action.
Small steps still count. Give yourself credit for taking them.
4. Discipline, consistency and keeping yourself accountable
Motivation can help you get started, but what happens when it disappears?
Perhaps you've decided to improve your fitness, establish a better routine, develop a new skill or make changes to your lifestyle.
Initially, you're enthusiastic. You have a clear goal and feel motivated to make it happen.
Then work becomes demanding, family commitments increase and other responsibilities start competing for your attention.
Your routine begins to slip. You miss a few days, perhaps a week, and eventually find yourself back where you started.
This is something worth thinking about.
Sometimes we set ourselves goals without properly considering what maintaining the necessary commitment will involve.
We might underestimate the importance of routine, discipline and accountability.
We might also set ourselves unrealistic expectations, making it difficult to maintain the changes we're trying to introduce.
One approach I encourage is breaking larger goals into smaller, manageable steps.
For example, if you want to improve your fitness, you don't necessarily need to commit to exercising every day immediately.
You might start by identifying two or three realistic opportunities each week and building consistency from there.
If you want to develop your career, perhaps you can dedicate 30 minutes each evening to learning something new or researching opportunities.
The important thing is to establish actions you can realistically maintain.
You also need to be honest with yourself about whether you're following through.
Ask yourself:
What did I commit to doing?
Have I actually done it?
If not, what got in the way?
Was the commitment realistic?
What could I change to make it more achievable?
Accountability isn't about punishing yourself when things don't go to plan. It's about recognising what's happening and deciding what you need to do differently.
There will be occasions when circumstances genuinely prevent you from following through. That's part of life.
However, don't allow one difficult week to become a reason to abandon something that matters to you.
5. Recognise the strengths you already possess
This is an area I particularly enjoy exploring with clients during coaching.
Sometimes someone will tell me that they lack confidence, discipline, determination or the ability to overcome a particular challenge.
Yet when we start exploring their previous experiences, we discover that they've already demonstrated many of those qualities.
Perhaps they've overcome a difficult period in their personal life.
Maybe they've worked through a challenging situation professionally, maintained their responsibilities during a stressful period or achieved something they initially thought was beyond them.
They might not recognise those experiences as evidence of their own strengths.
This is why I sometimes take clients backwards before we start looking forwards.
I ask them to think about a challenge they've previously encountered and managed to overcome.
It doesn't matter whether that challenge was related to work, family, relationships, education or something else entirely.
We then explore what happened.
What did you do to overcome it?
I want to understand the barriers they encountered and the skills they used to work through them.
Did they demonstrate determination? Did they adapt their approach? Did they seek advice, remain disciplined or find a way to keep going when things became difficult?
We also explore their mindset at the time.
What motivated them? Why was achieving that particular outcome important? What helped them maintain their commitment? Sometimes, through that conversation, we identify strengths the client hadn't previously recognised.
How can you use those strengths again?
Once we've identified those qualities, I bring the conversation back to their current challenge.
What's different about the situation they're facing now?
Are there skills they've previously used that could be adapted to help them move forwards?
Perhaps the circumstances have changed, but some of the underlying qualities remain just as relevant.
I want clients to recognise that they don't necessarily need to develop every quality from scratch.
They may already possess some of the tools they need. They simply need to recognise them and understand how to apply them.
This can be a valuable starting point when someone is questioning their own ability to achieve something.
Rather than relying on somebody else to tell you that you're capable, you begin recognising evidence of your own capabilities.
And that gives you something more meaningful to work with.
6. Taking responsibility without being unnecessarily hard on yourself
Personal responsibility is an important part of making progress.
There will be things in life that you cannot control. Other people's decisions, unexpected circumstances, financial pressures and situations that arise without warning can all influence your options.
However, there will also be things within your influence.
The difficulty can arise when we spend so much time concentrating on the things we cannot change that we overlook the opportunities available to us.
For example, perhaps you're unhappy with your current career situation. You might feel frustrated because opportunities haven't come your way, or because circumstances have prevented you from pursuing something different.
You cannot necessarily control what opportunities become available. However, you can explore your options, develop new skills, seek advice and consider what steps might improve your position.
Taking responsibility means recognising where you have influence and deciding what to do with it.
It also means being honest about the decisions you make.
Understanding why you've behaved in a particular way is useful. Previous experiences, difficult circumstances and personal challenges can all influence how we think and respond.
However, understanding those influences doesn't mean you have to continue responding in the same way indefinitely.
You can acknowledge what has happened, recognise how it has affected you and still take responsibility for deciding what happens next.
I don't believe in approaching this through criticism or making someone feel guilty about their circumstances.
I believe in constructive challenge.
Sometimes that means asking someone whether they're allowing a particular situation to prevent them from exploring other possibilities.
Sometimes it means questioning why they're putting so much pressure on themselves.
And sometimes it means helping them recognise that they have more influence over their next steps than they initially thought.
7. You can support everyone else and still invest in yourself
Many men have important responsibilities towards other people.
They might be supporting a partner, raising children, helping family members, managing a team or providing for their household.
These responsibilities can be incredibly important, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to be somebody others can depend on.
However, what happens when your own ambitions continually take a back seat?
Perhaps you keep postponing your plans because somebody else needs your time.
You might repeatedly tell yourself that you'll concentrate on your own development when things become quieter.
But things don't always become quieter.
There will always be responsibilities, unexpected demands and other priorities competing for your attention.
If you continually put your own goals on hold, frustration and resentment can eventually develop.
You might begin questioning whether you're achieving anything for yourself or whether your own ambitions will ever become a priority.
What might that do to your self esteem, sense of pride and satisfaction with life?
I think it's important to recognise that supporting other people and investing in your own development can happen alongside each other.
You can want your children to achieve their ambitions while pursuing your own.
You can support your partner, be there for your family and still make time for something that matters to you.
You don't need to justify every personal ambition simply because you have other responsibilities.
Perhaps you want to start a business, improve your fitness, change careers, learn a new skill or simply become more confident in yourself.
Those ambitions deserve consideration too.
You can be committed to the people around you without putting your own development permanently on hold.
8. How do you know which advice to listen to?
Another important part of personal development is learning to make decisions without constantly seeking approval.
It's natural to want reassurance from people we trust. Friends, family members, colleagues and other people in our lives can offer valuable advice and different perspectives.
Sometimes one conversation with someone you respect can help you see a situation differently.
However, not every opinion deserves the same level of consideration.
You might share an ambition with somebody and receive a response that leaves you questioning whether you should pursue it.
Perhaps they don't understand what you're trying to achieve. Maybe they have different priorities or previous experiences that influence their opinion.
That doesn't automatically make their feedback wrong, but it doesn't automatically make it right either.
I think it's important to develop the ability to distinguish between constructive feedback and criticism that offers little value.
Consider:
Does this person understand what I'm trying to achieve?
Is their feedback based on something useful?
Are they highlighting a genuine risk I haven't considered?
Does their advice help me make a more informed decision?
Am I questioning my decision because of something genuinely important, or simply because somebody disagrees with me?
You should be prepared to listen, reflect and reconsider your approach when necessary.
However, you don't need everybody's approval before making a decision about your own life.
Developing that confidence takes practice.
It involves understanding your priorities, gathering the relevant information, considering the consequences and being prepared to take responsibility for your decisions.
9. How can coaching for men help?
One to one coaching for men provides dedicated time to concentrate on your own circumstances, ambitions and personal development.
It gives you an opportunity to step back from everyday responsibilities, explore what's happening and consider what you want to change.
However, I think it's important to explain what coaching actually involves.
My approach isn't about taking control, telling someone what to do or assuming that I know what's best for them.
It's about working alongside the client, helping them develop their understanding, recognise their existing capabilities and identify practical ways forward.
There are several areas we might explore.
Understanding what's keeping you stuck
Perhaps you know what you want to change but haven't managed to make it happen.
We can explore the circumstances, decisions, assumptions and behaviours that might be influencing your progress.
This could involve looking at priorities, expectations, previous experiences or the way you're approaching a particular challenge.
Recognising your strengths and capabilities
As discussed earlier, we might explore previous situations where you've successfully overcome difficulties.
This can help identify strengths and skills that you might not currently recognise or appreciate.
We can then consider how those qualities could be applied to your present circumstances.
Challenging unhelpful thinking
Sometimes the way we interpret situations influences the decisions we make.
Perhaps you're assuming that something is beyond your capabilities, placing unnecessary pressure on yourself or allowing other people's opinions to influence your decisions.
Constructive questioning can help you examine those assumptions and consider alternative perspectives.
Developing realistic strategies
Once we've established what you want to achieve, we can explore the practical steps involved.
That might mean breaking down a larger goal, identifying the skills you need, considering potential barriers and establishing realistic actions.
The aim is to develop a plan that works alongside your actual circumstances.
Building independence and accountability
I want clients to develop the confidence and skills to manage challenges independently.
Coaching should help you become better equipped to make decisions, recognise unhelpful patterns and take responsibility for your own progress.
The intention isn't to create a situation where you need somebody else to tell you what to do every time you encounter a difficulty.
It's about helping you develop the tools and understanding to approach those situations yourself.
If you're interested in exploring this approach, you can find out more about my one to one coaching for men.
10. What would you like to be different six months from now?
It's worth taking some time to think about what you actually want from life.
Not what you think you should be achieving. Not what somebody else expects of you. Not what another man has managed to accomplish...
What would make a meaningful difference to you?
Perhaps you want to feel more confident making decisions. Maybe you want to pursue an ambition you've been putting off, improve your relationships, develop your career or simply feel more in control of your direction.
Whatever it is, consider what you would like to change. You don't need to have every answer immediately.
You might need to gather information, develop certain skills, reconsider your approach or talk through your options with somebody you trust.
You might also need to accept that meaningful progress takes time.
I would encourage you to think about the following questions:
What am I currently doing that is helping me move towards the life I want?
What am I repeatedly putting off, and why?
Which of my existing strengths could help me overcome my current challenges?
Am I measuring my progress against my own expectations or somebody else's?
What small action could I take this week?
What would I like to feel more confident doing independently?
You don't need to transform every area of your life at once.
You need to understand where you are, identify where you want to go and start taking steps in that direction.
Remember to recognise the progress you make along the way.
You deserve to make progress too
I want men to recognise that they don't need to have everything figured out.
You can be ambitious without rushing. You can be responsible without neglecting yourself. You can accept advice without needing approval, and you can recognise that you have more capabilities than you might currently give yourself credit for.
You will encounter challenges. Some decisions won't work out as planned, and there will be occasions when you need to reconsider your approach.
That's part of personal development.
What matters is how you respond, what you learn and whether you're prepared to keep working towards the things that matter to you.
You don't have to measure your success against somebody else's achievements or wait until you've reached a particular milestone before recognising your own progress.
You have your own goals to achieve, your own potential to develop and your own life to make the most of. Give yourself the opportunity to do that.
Ready to explore coaching for men?
If you've recognised some of your own experiences in this blog post and would like to make changes in your life, one to one coaching could provide the opportunity to explore what's holding you back and identify practical ways forward.
I'm Ross Thompson, a Resilience and Mindset Life Coach with over 17 years' experience supporting adults, young people, parents and professionals.
My coaching is practical, supportive and focused on helping you develop the confidence, skills and strategies to move forwards independently.
You don't need to have everything worked out before getting started.
I offer a free Spark Session, giving you the opportunity to meet me, discuss what you're looking to achieve and find out whether my approach to coaching is right for you.
Take the first step towards making the changes you want to see. Click here to find out more about coaching for men or get in touch with me to tell me a little about what you'd like to work on.
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