Are You Missing Your Life While Chasing Your Future?
You can work towards your goals without sacrificing the life you're living now. Discover how ambition, rest, boundaries and enjoying the journey can work together.
Are You So Focused On Your Future That You’re Missing Your Life Now?
A few days ago, I went to hospital to pick someone I know up after they had spent three weeks there.
They were finally going home. Back to their wife, their dog, their own bed, their normal life...
As I walked through the ward, though, something struck me. There were other people still lying in those beds.
I found myself thinking that some of them would probably have given anything to be in the position of the person I was there to collect. To be walking out of that hospital rather than waiting for the day they could.
Then another thought came to me.
Within minutes of that bed being empty, someone else would probably be lying in it.
Suddenly, something that can feel completely ordinary, like going home, seeing the people you love, sitting in your own home, didn't feel ordinary at all.
It made me think about how easily we can take parts of our lives for granted. And, as I often do, my mind moved towards coaching.
I think there is something quite interesting about the way we approach our goals. We are often encouraged to look forward. Work harder. Achieve more. Set the next goal. Build the future you want.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of that.
I am ambitious myself. I have goals. I work hard towards them and I believe strongly in pushing yourself, developing yourself and creating the best future you can.
But I also think there is a danger in becoming so focused on where you are going that you stop noticing where you are.
You can be ambitious without sacrificing your life
I don't believe the answer is to stop working towards your goals. I don't believe you should simply “live in the moment” and forget about tomorrow.
I certainly don't believe working hard is a bad thing. The question is what happens when working towards your future starts consuming your present.
There is a culture online that can make people feel guilty for taking a break. You've probably seen the videos.
The messages that suggest your dreams don't take days off. That while you're relaxing, somebody else is working. That taking half an hour away from your goal somehow means you're not committed enough to it.
I think that's a very dangerous message.
Everyone's circumstances are different. Some people have far more time available to work towards their goals than others. Some people have children. Some have demanding jobs. Some have caring responsibilities. Some have multiple commitments competing for their attention.
Your life isn't somebody else's life.
So why would your journey towards your goals need to look exactly like theirs? Working hard matters but working constantly isn't the same as working effectively.
I used to think rest had to be earned
I say all of this from experience.
There was a time when I genuinely felt that rest had to be earned.
I could work hard all day and still feel that if I was behind with something, I shouldn't really be relaxing. Even when I did allow myself some downtime, I could be quick to give it up if I thought there was something else I should be doing.
Looking back, I can see how unsustainable that was. I was working towards my career, my business and my goals, while also committing myself to things socially because I felt that I should.
Eventually, I realised something quite simple. I didn't actually have to do everything.
Just because it was Saturday night didn't mean I had to go out. Just because my friends were going somewhere didn't mean I had to go if I didn't fancy it. Just because there was space in my calendar didn't mean I had to fill it with something.
And that wasn't about deciding that going out was bad. I enjoy going out to eat with my mates. But I don't need to do it every weekend.
If I want to spend an evening at home, put some music on, work on my business, watch something on Netflix or simply do nothing, that's absolutely fine too.
The important part was that I started making those decisions because I wanted to, rather than because I felt compelled to.
Your time doesn't all have to be productive
This was a big change for me.
I started thinking differently about what I call high-quality experiences. For me, that means not simply doing things for the sake of doing them.
I want to spend time with people I genuinely like and care about.
I want to have experiences that give me something positive.
I want to spend time with my family and actually be present with them.
I want to see friends.
I want to go for a walk.
I want to explore somewhere I've never been.
I want to sit on my balcony with a cup of tea and enjoy the morning sun.
Sometimes (although, somewhat rarely, I might add), I want to play on the PlayStation.
Sometimes I want to watch a few episodes of a programme.
Sometimes I want to read.
Sometimes I just want to do absolutely nothing.
None of those things need to contribute to a business goal. They don't need to improve my CV. They don't need to make me more productive.
Sometimes their value is simply that I enjoy them.
I think we sometimes forget that is enough.
Leave some space for life to happen
There is another part of this that I think is easy to overlook.
Not every minute of your day needs to be planned. There is something valuable about leaving some space.
That space makes way for an unexpected conversation. Or an unplanned visit. It creates a space to sit outside for longer than you intended.
Space to decide that instead of doing what you had planned, you'd rather go for a drive somewhere you've never been before.
Space to spend an extra hour talking to somebody you care about.
When every minute is accounted for, life can start feeling like a timetable.
The things we remember most aren't the things we carefully scheduled. They're the moments that simply happened.
Your goals shouldn't require you to stop living
One of the things I talk about in coaching is breaking a big goal down into manageable steps. That's because a goal can feel overwhelming when you're staring at the end point.
But there is another reason to break goals down.
It allows you to make progress without expecting yourself to operate at maximum intensity every day.
You can work towards something. Make progress. Have setbacks. Change the plan.
You can learn something new. You can push yourself outside your comfort zone. You can discover that you're capable of more than you thought.
And you can still have dinner with your family, still see your friends, still have a lazy Sunday morning if desired.
You can still take a break. You can still enjoy your life.
That, to me, is a much healthier understanding of a growth mindset. Growth isn't about working yourself into the ground. It's about learning, adapting, developing and continuing to move forward.
Don't miss the journey while chasing the destination
I think we can become so focused on achieving a particular outcome that we overlook what is happening while we're getting there.
Imagine you've set yourself a significant goal. Perhaps you're building a business.
You might be working towards a promotion. Or maybe you're trying to improve your confidence.
You may be thinking about changing your career or perhaps you're working towards a personal ambition that you've put off for years.
Of course the destination matters. But what are you learning along the way?
What skills are you developing? What are you discovering about yourself? What have you already achieved that the person you were twelve months ago might have been proud of?
How much further outside your comfort zone are you now willing to step?
Those things matter too. The journey isn't simply the annoying bit you have to endure before you finally get what you want. The journey is part of your life. Don't overlook it.
Rest isn't something you have to deserve
I think this is one of the biggest lessons I've learned.
Rest isn't a reward you receive because you've been productive enough.
You don't have to finish everything before you're allowed to switch off. If that is the rule, you'll probably never switch off. There will always be another email, another task, another idea. another target, another thing that you could improve.
Another reason to work for another hour.
Instead, I've learned to recognise that wellbeing is actually much more practical than some of the things we sometimes associate with “self-care”.
It might be sitting down and watching your favourite programme. Playing a game. Going for a walk. Having breakfast before work rather than sacrificing that time to start working earlier.
It might be sitting on your own balcony or in your own garden with a cup of tea.
It might be putting your phone down and not feeling that every notification needs an immediate response from you.
It might be spending proper, uninterrupted time with your family or seeing a friend you haven't seen for a while.
It might simply be allowing yourself to be unavailable to productivity for a while.
Think about what your ambition is costing you
This isn't an argument against ambition. Ambition is important.
I've seen people settle for less than they're capable of because they don't know where to start, because they're frightened of failing, because they don't have the right support or because they've convinced themselves that settling is simply easier.
I don't want people to put their ambitions second.
I also don't want people to believe that pursuing an ambition requires them to sacrifice everything else.
So perhaps the better question isn't: “Am I working hard enough?”
Perhaps sometimes it's: “What is my ambition currently costing me?”
Are you sacrificing time with people you love? Are you constantly postponing enjoyment until you've achieved something? Are you filling every available minute because you feel guilty when you're not being productive? Are you doing things because you genuinely want to, or because you feel you should?
Are you actually enjoying any of the life you're working so hard to create?
You can keep moving without driving non-stop
I sometimes think about goals like driving towards a destination.
You know where you're going and you have a route. You might need to change that route along the way or you might take a wrong turn. You may even discover a better route.
But you're still moving towards the destination.
The one thing you can't realistically expect is to keep driving indefinitely without stopping.
At some point, the car needs fuel. You need to stop. That doesn't mean you've abandoned the journey.
It means you've stopped so that you can continue it.
I think people are the same.
Taking a break doesn't mean your goal has become less important. Spending time with your family doesn't mean you're less ambitious. Having an evening where you do absolutely nothing productive doesn't mean you're falling behind. Sometimes stopping is exactly what allows you to keep going.
Don't wait until something reminds you what matters
Going to the hospital a few days ago made me think about all of this because of the contrast.
Someone who had spent three weeks away from home was about to experience something that might normally seem completely ordinary.
Going home. Seeing their wife. Seeing their dog. Being in their own space.
Yet in that moment, those things mattered enormously.
I think that's worth remembering.
Not because we should spend our lives worrying about what might happen tomorrow or because we should feel guilty for enjoying ourselves.
Nor because we should abandon our ambitions. Quite the opposite.
Work towards the future you want.
Have goals. Challenge yourself. Grow. Build something. Push yourself.
But don't become so focused on getting there that you forget to experience the journey.
Have breakfast. Sit in the sunshine. See your family. Call a friend. Go for the walk. Watch the programme. Take the drive. Have the conversation. Put your phone down. Laugh. Rest.
Enjoy yourself.
Because one day, the things you currently consider ordinary might be the very things you wish you could have back.
Your future matters - and so does your life today.
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